I havent posted much in the past few months. During the summer it was mostly due to being busy and out of the house more, but these past couple months have been extremely difficult. I have a hard time letting time pass as each day I wake up and the loss of Melindas husband becomes more real. I know he is my brother-in-law, and that doesnt seem like such a close relationship, but my little sister is the sweet one in our family and has been my best friend many times in my life. I loved her husband as much as I would my own brother - and my parents loved him like a son. While the loss for us is not near as painful as it is for Meilnda, I have had a lot of heartache and a hard time letting time march on. I explain this in order to explain the inability to make a new post. I dont want time to move on. I dont want him to become a memory, and I want what happened to stay recent- so that he isnt part of some past that we remember.
I dont know a lot about grieving and death, but I do know that the saying, "Time heals all wounds" is simply not true. Im not saying that wounds cant be healed- because I am certain that through faith in the Lord we are healed- but time in this case has seemed to make it harder.
This post may sound a bit desperate, but I do want to note that I have had many precious moments of sweetness through this experience. The tender mercies of the Lord have been many, and have had a lasting impression on me and have strengthened my faith. I am grateful for these things.
There, Ive done it. A new post is written.
10 comments:
Thanks for the post Chrissy. I think in our culture we deny death so much that we all have a hard time talking about it. I appreciated reading your honest feelings and having a better sense where you are at. Actually, reading your post about Clay was a moment of enlightenment for me. As you know, Bill works with people that die all the time and is always saying how Americans just don't get death--how we are crazy afraid of it. And I listen and think well maybe I don't. Unlike Bill who says it is really a sacred experience, I've never seen someone die. And like most people I fear death. But I read your post just after having an annoying conversation with someone who was griping about all sorts of petty things. I got off the phone and read your blog all about Clay and his life and his family. And the contrast was amazing. For a moment I got it. Death makes life meaningful. If we were going to live forever we could live --how I'm afraid most Americans live--for trivial things looking beautiful, having a nice house, lots of travel. When there is no limit to our time we could indefinitely procrastinate the important stuff. And this is what is dangerous in denying death. I'm afraid sometimes it's how we all live. But when we really know that we are mortal and each day is a gift, we must serve and cherish one another while we have the chance.
I write all of this not to comfort you or give you insight, these are things you may already be thinking about. But to thank you for sharing your sorrow with us, because in some strange way it has been a comfort for me.
I love you Chrissy. I'll keep your family and your sister's family in my prayers. Ruth
Wow, Ruth and Chrissy! What an enlightened moment in the blogosphere this is!
You're both fantastic. I am not facing any life-altering or philosophical struggles right now and I think that's an okay place to be too.
I read a theory that basically says that we must refuse to acknowledge death or else we will go insane because its possibility is constantly surrounding us. Hmmm, I'll have to get the book list out and find that now.
Chrissy, I just wandered over to your blog and read your post about Clay, looked at the pix, etc. So touching. Love to you and your precious sister. What a huge loss. Unfathomable, really. I pray God will send the comfort she so desparately needs. What a monster event that was.
I have a sister I'm close to like that and her loss would be my loss, so I understand how devastated you must be by virtue of the love you hold for your sister and her little ones. You are so precious. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
My prayers and thoughts are with you and your sister. I can't even fathom the weight on your hearts. I hope that soon the happy memories will over power the sad ones.
Chrissy, I just found your blog! I'm so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law, you will all be in my thoughts and prayers. I miss you!
My mother died almost five years ago and I still cry about it. As a matter of fact, I have been crying tonight because I miss her.
THEREFORE, you don't need to explain or apologize for being sad and feeling awful that he is gone. Only clueless, insensitive, and/or emotionally stunted people would ever say something so stupid as "time heals all wounds".
Since your brother-in-law is such an awesome guy, you have every right to feel the way you do. Go ahead and cry all you want.
BIG hug for you.
Berta
Grief is so individual. Much as I loved my dad and miss him, when he died 3 years ago, life just went on. There was a hole in the fabric of my life, but it was not traumatic. He was 83. When I lost my son 16 years ago, that was very different. It took a long time to get past running to the bathroom at church to cry, ducking into my car to cry, hiding in my house, dreading going out to face the "normal". The grief process is different for everyone and for every situation. I don't know about the formulas we learned in nursing school. It doesn't help to know these things when you are going through the heartache. It isn't real... I am so sorry for your loss and for your sister's loss. Words fail me. I'd like to know the perfect thing to say to make things better. Just know you are in my thoughts.
I am so touched that you all care even though you didn't know my sister or her husband. Your comments mean the world to me- thank you so much for caring. I always tell my sister when people ask about her and she is grateful for thought and prayers. Thanks again. I feel loved.
Chrissy, I need your new address, and your email address isn't working for me. Will you email it to me? Christine_Curtis at hotmail dot com
Chrissy, thanks for saving my life today. You are amazing. I owe you!
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